Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck...

Have you ever been thinking...

'I'm so fucking tired',

'Everything is hard work',

'I can't concentrate',

'I keep getting out of breath',

'What's that swelling all about?'

These are some of the thoughts I've been having for years, I've been worrying about myself knowing something is just not right but unable to put my finger on what's up with me.

I was questioning myself, is this my fibromyalgia flareing up? Is this menopause? Am I going mad? I'm sure everyone thinks it's in my head! How can I keep catching every virus around, I've been ill forever!

I don't know how other people think and feel but I am the type of person who does things for others at my own detriment, I carry on despite feeling lousey and get upset when no-one offers to help 'the girl that can do anything'. Because of this mentality I take a while to go to the GP, but when I found a lump in my neck (close to the swellings that I had presumed were fat!) I made the appointment...

My lovely GP did not think I was mad, he felt the little lump in my neck and agrred that it was worth investigating and sent me for ultrsaound. When the appointment came through I was excited to find out what was going on with me, but, I got COVID! I had to cancel my appointment and another never came. I went back to the GP saw another GP who also was concerned and fast tracked me, a month later I got my ultrasound! yippee.

The ultrasound was done and then everything happened really quickly, ultrasound Friday, GP Monday, bloods Wednesday, ONCOLOGY HEAMATOLOGY (now thats a scary couple of words!) Thursday, more bloods whilest I was there and no shit sherlock I have lymphoma.

During the long wait from finding the lump to getting a diagnosis; I had read everything I could find about my symptoms and so was not suprised by this news but it has shaken all of my family and friends, never forget they need support, not just the poorly sick person but their social network too.

So, what happens next?

I wait for biopsy and full body CT scan. I continue to work and try to keep calm and know deep down inside I can beat this shit!

I will blog to vent and to hopefully help others, feel free to follow my journey and learn as we go.