Rollercoaster

I’ve been climbing for a long time; if any of you have been to Blackpool Pleasure Beach and ridden “the big one” you will understand the anticipation on the way up… tick tick, click clack, tick tick… “ooh look there’s Ulverston”… aaaarrrrggghhhh how fucking high are we? Can you see the beach?… WTF???????

I have had illness after illness and never fully recovered, I have had what I thought were fibro flairs, and I have discovered the reason I can’t always walk without a stick is due to arthritis (a new knee or two would not go a miss right now). I have however now reached a precipice; I have the beginning of an idea as to what comes next…

That rollercoaster of life is about to get really, really fucking scary!

This week I expect to have full body CT scan and Biopsy. By New Year I expect to know which type of lymphoma I have, what the treatment is and be starting it ASAP!

There will be many up and downs in this cancer journey, but I will endeavour to enjoy the up and scream at the downs!

This weekend I have tried to be stoic and tried to support those around me, by this evening I had my first proper meltdown and was mean to others, deserved or not (so sorry). I was having what I describe as a ‘little not cope’.

I cant believe how tired I am, I presume its from over thinking, not sleeping and being stressed lol.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all of you who have sent me messages, both public and private, this means the world to me, I did not know what to expect when I started this but if we can share my journey and raise awareness, maybe others will not struggle so long before getting the help they need. I am a public health nurse at heart, sorry I cant help that!

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