Sorry it’s been a while, I’ve felt like shite…

The past few weeks have resembled a marathon, with each mile presenting its own unique challenges in my journey with lymphoma. As I approached the finish line of my next specialist appointment, anticipating a breakthrough that would give me some clarity, it felt like hitting a wall. A phone call, 45 minutes before, halted my progress like a sudden cramp, forcing me to pause everything until May 30th—an additional 7 week stretch of the race where every step forward feels like an uphill battle against time.

Inquiring about my next blood samples only added to my frustration. Plan being, rather than take fresh samples in the days before the appointment as they normally would, I will be assessed on seven-week-old results which seems counterintuitive, especially when facing reassessment every three months. It's a process that breeds anxiety rather than confidence, as a health professional myself feeling this way, with an understanding of the system, I do worry how it affects others less fortunate to have seen the way things work on the inside.

Lymphoma is having a laugh at me right now!

My respiratory challenges have intensified once again, marked by episodes of mortifying coughing fits; it seems ever since COVID-19, apologizing for every cough has become second nature—though, is that just a quintessential British trait? After enduring three weeks of sheer misery, my fabulous practice nurse conducted a comprehensive asthma review. Now, equipped with new medications, I am hopeful that relief is imminent—perhaps soon I'll regain the ability to do more than merely sit still to catch my breath, and, dare I dream, regain control over my bladder function as well!

Living with cancer inevitably heightens one's awareness of mortality and instils a deep concern for the loved ones left behind. However, when I took my dog to the beach one day and witnessed her sudden seizure—a phenomenon entirely unfamiliar to her—it triggered a profound shift in perspective. In that moment of panic, my fear of being the next family member to depart was momentarily eclipsed by the stark realization that I might still be around long enough to experience the pain of loss myself, rather than always fretting about the impact of my own departure on others, reminding me to cherish every moment, to revel in the present with my loved ones, and to find solace in the precious time we have together.

Right now any form of negativity is causing me to spiral downwards, every negative word, phrase or attitude makes me feel anxious and sad. My lovely friend Sarah could hear this in me and bought me the most thoughtful of presents; a gratitude journal, it should take no more than 5 minutes per day to complete. However, living in a world where you are bombarded by negativity every day make this a tough task but a breath of fresh air that I am hoping will help get my thoughts returning to beautiful positivity.

So, a few positives… my skin issues are not related to the lymphoma and so onwards and upwards with resolving that problem. I have managed to lose a little weight although not obvious, a step in the right direction. I have had some lovely sessions with Cancer Care, Stacey has a knack of making me feel important and relaxed for a moment or three, this is an amazing service that deserves the word care included in its title. For my birthday I managed to raise £152.00 to gift to the charity which helped me to feel like was able to give something back 😊